Numerous Thoughts
 'Delusions & Excuses'
   Before I found that true desire, I had
tried desperately for over twenty years to
quit drinking on my own.  I was filled
with the delusions and excuses that I
could drink like a normal person.
    I tried time and again to take it or
leave it, but could not do neither.  I
always lapsed into ceaseless and unhappy
drinking.  My family, employers,
landlords, judges, threw up their hands in
hurt bewilderment, in despair, and finally
in total disgust.
    I had used up all excuses and the only
thing left to do was for me to die on the
streets as a hopeless hobo.
    This was to be pathetic...
    However, in 1998, I began to find the
answers to all my delusions and excuses.  
I discovered a program of recovery that
made me realize that for every reason of
drinking was just a crazy excuse  to end
my life early.  I am an alcoholic, have
been and will always be to the end of my
    Since that fateful day in 1998, the only
excuses that I use are those to remain
sober.  And trust me, I have found more
excuses to remain sober than that I ever
found to have a drink.
Bingocliff 8-12-04
   At recovery meetings you will hear
people say over and over that they were
sick and tired of being sick and tired.

   It is no different for this alcoholic, I
was sick and tired of losing.

  I was sick and tired of boozing;

  I was sick and tired of using;

  I was sick and tired of losing.

  No matter how many times that I
fooled myself, it never was to get any
better.  Even when there was a glimmer
of hope and something positive, it
would always end up for this alkie in

  Before it was to late, I finally got sick
and tired of losing.

  I got tired of boozing;

  I got tired of using;

  I got tired of losing.
Bingocliff 9-7-04
I came into recovery in the dark.  I had not realized that I was
living in the dark ages of the disease of alcoholism.  It took away
nearly 30 years of my life.
To escape this darkness I had surrounded myself with, I first had to
find a desire.  A desire for a change.  Not only in my life; my
living; my mind, body & soul; but in time.
Yes, I could have the desire for a minute.  I could have that desire
for ten minutes.  What I needed most, was to have the desire for
twenty-four hours a day; seven days a week; three hundred sixty-five
days a year.
Once I gained that desire and was able to hold onto it, I started to
witness the light.  The realistic side to everything in this universe.
Then came the many slogans which accompanied the light I had the
desire to find.  Easy does it; keep it simple student; one day at a
time; let go and let God; Oh bless your heart all, for there is a
great beautiful world for all to live in.  It is so true, for I am one
that can see the light.   
Bingocliff 11/4/04
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