Numerous Thoughts
 'Delusions & Excuses'
   Before I found that true desire, I had
tried desperately for over twenty years to
quit drinking on my own.  I was filled
with the delusions and excuses that I
could drink like a normal person.
    I tried time and again to take it or
leave it, but could not do neither.  I
always lapsed into ceaseless and unhappy
drinking.  My family, employers,
landlords, judges, threw up their hands in
hurt bewilderment, in despair, and finally
in total disgust.
    I had used up all excuses and the only
thing left to do was for me to die on the
streets as a hopeless hobo.
    This was to be pathetic...
    However, in 1998, I began to find the
answers to all my delusions and excuses.  
I discovered a program of recovery that
made me realize that for every reason of
drinking was just a crazy excuse  to end
my life early.  I am an alcoholic, have
been and will always be to the end of my
living.
    Since that fateful day in 1998, the only
excuses that I use are those to remain
sober.  And trust me, I have found more
excuses to remain sober than that I ever
found to have a drink.
                
Bingocliff 8-12-04
'SICK & TIRED OF LOSING'
   At recovery meetings you will hear
people say over and over that they were
sick and tired of being sick and tired.

   It is no different for this alcoholic, I
was sick and tired of losing.

  I was sick and tired of boozing;

  I was sick and tired of using;

  I was sick and tired of losing.

  No matter how many times that I
fooled myself, it never was to get any
better.  Even when there was a glimmer
of hope and something positive, it
would always end up for this alkie in
losing.

  Before it was to late, I finally got sick
and tired of losing.

  I got tired of boozing;

  I got tired of using;

  I got tired of losing.
                        
Bingocliff 9-7-04
"WE ALL MUST SEE THE LIGHT"
I came into recovery in the dark.  I had not realized that I was
living in the dark ages of the disease of alcoholism.  It took away
nearly 30 years of my life.
To escape this darkness I had surrounded myself with, I first had to
find a desire.  A desire for a change.  Not only in my life; my
living; my mind, body & soul; but in time.
Yes, I could have the desire for a minute.  I could have that desire
for ten minutes.  What I needed most, was to have the desire for
twenty-four hours a day; seven days a week; three hundred sixty-five
days a year.
Once I gained that desire and was able to hold onto it, I started to
witness the light.  The realistic side to everything in this universe.
Then came the many slogans which accompanied the light I had the
desire to find.  Easy does it; keep it simple student; one day at a
time; let go and let God; Oh bless your heart all, for there is a
great beautiful world for all to live in.  It is so true, for I am one
that can see the light.   
                                   
Bingocliff 11/4/04
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